When the shit hits the Air Multiplier

It's a fan!

A friend of mine, we’ll call him Daniel Griffiths (because that’s his name), occasionally sends me a mini essay on a random topic he’s been thinking about a bit too much. It’s therapy for him and an amusing distraction for me and the handful of others he includes in the email.

His latest is a rant about Dyson’s new fan (and yes… it IS a fan!) the Air Multiplier. Thought you might enjoy it too.

The Dyson Air Multiplier

Before we get stuck into the Dyson Air Multiplier let me ask you a question: Were hoover bags ever a problem in your life?

Think about it.

Did you ever curse having to install and remove them? Did all that tiresome walking over to the bin and dropping them in ever rankle? And the way your hoover ‘lost suction’ just before the bag needed emptying? Were any of the above ever once a thought that even fleetingly crossed your mind?

No, of course they weren’t. The Dyson vacuum cleaner is a solution to a problem that never existed. I could start on about how Dysons, actually, in truth, loose more suction than bagged cleaners. How they require more frequent emptying. How they’re heavier, more cumbersome, use more energy and, rather than having the dirt neatly wrapped up in a bag, instead bring you face to face with your own skin and hair every time you have to trip to the bin. Every five minutes.

I could do that. But instead I want to talk about the Dyson Air Multiplier. Another device that – like their famous Flash Gordon hoovers – is another solution to a problem that nobody has.

It’s like this:

The DAM (as it shall be known herein) looks amazing. Amazing! It’s a hoop on a stick. This is a fan? No way! There are no blades! How? What? Where? I’m actually stunned! It makes air fly out of the circle?! But how? Jeez, £200! They’re having a laugh there, but it makes air fly out?! This is incredible!

Only it isn’t. Have you ever wondered why Dyson hasn’t been able to claim that the DAM is any quieter or uses less electricity than a conventional fan? Or even why – for something with no moving parts – it’s so bloody noisy?…

Think about it. It magically *propels* air… Right?

Wrong.

The reason it uses as much energy as a fan and sounds like a fan is because it is a fan. It does have blades. And a bloody big electric motor to turn them too.

Now, forgive me if this isn’t a surprise. You may be cleverer than I, but I – for some time – presumed that the DAM somehow used ‘Dyson magic’ to propel it’s air.

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